Jack Reacher

Welcome to another episode of Lights....Camera....Popcorn!

Today's review is Jack Reacher.

Written & Directed by Christopher McQuarrie.

Based on the novel "One Shot". Written by Lee Child.

Review #198

MPAA Rating: Rated PG-13 for violence, language and some drug material.

Run Time: 130 min

Cast

Tom Cruise...Reacher

Rosamund Pike...Helen

Richard Jenkins...Rodin

David Oyelowo...Emerson

Werner Herzog...The Zec

Jai Courtney...Charlie

Vladimir Sizov...Vlad

Joseph Sikora...Barr

Michael Raymond-James...Linsky

Alexia Fast...Sandy

Josh Helman...Jeb

Robert Duvall...Cash

When this movie was announced, there was quite an uproar. The initial disdain surrounding Jack Reacher was focused entirely on Tom Cruise. The outrage was due to the fact that the character in the books is apparently a super stud, behemoth of a man standing well over 6 feet. Where as Mr. Cruise is not even close to that height. It's no secret that Cruise is one of the shorter actors in Hollywood. He's had to wear lifts in his shoes to "improve" his height when the character he's playing requires a larger stature. To make a big stink about how an actor doesn't look like a character in a book is not uncommon in fandom. There's just one problem with the fan's outrage.

They should have been more pissed at how GOD AWFUL this movie was.

Plot

A homicide investigator digs deeper into a case involving a trained military sniper who shot five random victims. 

Here's the best way I can describe how much this movie sucked. The theater I was in made a mistake and the projector started playing The Hobbit instead of Jack Reacher. The first 10-15 minutes were playing until someone was notified and the problem was fixed.

After it was over, I wished they left The Hobbit playing.

This movie can be described in one word....JOKE!

Because every single thing about this train wreck was laughable. All of the characters were silly and stupid. The dialogue was even worse and the plot? Don't get me started. After seeing this film I now realize why fans of the books series were so annoyed with casting Cruise. This has nothing to do with the height issue. This is directed toward his performance. It was dreadful. The character of Jack Reacher is supposed to be some kind of above the law super sleuth.

Think The A-Team meets Sherlock Holmes.

That's the biggest problem. I've seen better iterations of The A-Team and Sherlock Holmes before. They were called The A-Team and Sherlock Holmes.

The fact that Jack Reacher was sort of modeled like that in the film was just beyond any realm of stupidity I can comprehend. What's even worse was that Reacher never gave me the impression that he was above the law or willing to do whatever it took to solve the case. There was never a moment where he crossed the line of civil obedience. How in the world can you build up a character that supposedly answers to no one and never show him defying the established order in grand fashion.

Pathetic.

Now we get to the Sherlock Holmes aspect of his character.

After he examines the crime scene several scenes that follow show Reacher recapping the event with Helen. As she is mapping out theories, Reacher shoots them down and comes up with the most absurd alternative that requires the biggest leap of faith in the world. Then, not even being shy about it, the film "borrows" the flashback montage that Guy Ritchie used in his Sherlock Holmes films. It's not a direct rip off but it was the first thing that popped into my head as I was watching it.

Now the flashbacks were pretty absurd at times in the Holmes films but you accept them because that's how the character has always been. You know him as the man who finds the details that no one else sees which then leads to the bigger clue. Here it was just a mess of thoughts that could make sense but in the long run provided more apathy than attention.

The rest of the film plays on like a paint by numbers action, mystery, thriller. Unfortunately Jack Reacher was light on the last two elements. The action was decent. Not good enough to spark any more good vibes from me however.

I HATED this movie!

More importantly, I hated how this movie had the balls to pretend it was something it's not. I've read other reviews of this film and I was stunned to read how enjoyable it was for them. I would love to know what I missed here. I realize that everyone's opinion is different and they are entitled to have it just as I am entitled to have mine. But my god this was such an insult to films of this genre that I fail to see anything worth a positive mention.

Save one exception.

The opening sequence was pretty thrilling. One of the main villain's proceeds to go on a sniping spree near PNC Park in Pittsburgh where the Pirates play. If I was a Pirates fan I'd go on a rampage too. Sorry Bucs fans, had to go there. Anyway, that sequence was very well executed, shot and cut together. This was the ONLY thing worth it's weight from an otherwise horrible film. This film sucked so much that I now have another entry in the child punishment catalog. If your kids start acting up and you want to punish them. Make them watch Prometheus and Jack Reacher. That should straighten em right up.

I know I never want to see those two movies again and I didn't do anything wrong except go see them in the first place.

On the 5 star scale. Jack Reacher gets the goose egg. 0 stars with a "For The Love of God Stay Home!" recommendation.

That's a wrap for today. Up next is Django Unchained.

Until Next Episode...."I'll Save You A Seat!"

"D"