Pirates of The Caribbean: On Stranger Tides

Welcome to another episode Lights....Camera....Popcorn!

Today's review is Pirates of The Caribbean: On Stranger Tides.

Directed by Rob Marshall.

Written by Ted Elliott & Terry Rossio.

Screen Story by Ted Elliott & Terry Rossio.

Based on characters created by Ted Elliott, Terry Rossio, Stuart Beattie & Jay Wolpert.

Review #119

MPAA Rating: PG-13 for intense sequences of action/adventure violence, some frightening images, sensuality and innuendo.

Runtime: 137 min

Cast

Johnny Depp - Jack Sparrow

Penélope Cruz - Angelica

Geoffrey Rush - Barbossa

Ian McShane - Blackbeard

Kevin McNally - Gibbs

Sam Claflin - Philip

Astrid Berges-Frisbey - Syrena

Stephen Graham - Scrum

Keith Richards - Captain Teague

Richard Griffiths - King George

When Pirates of The Caribbean: The Curse of The Black Pearl came to our shores in 2003. It gave summer audiences a new and fresh take on a very tired and overdone action/adventure genre. The film's popularity was also catapulted by the breakout performance of Johnny Depp as Captain Jack Sparrow. The highly inebriated, speech slurring, cunning and conniving vagabond pirate made us fall in love instantly with every syllable he uttered. The massive success of the Pirates maiden voyage prompted tinsletown super producer Jerry Bruckheimer to not make 1 but 2 sequels and make them both at the same time.

BIG BIG BIG....TERRIBLE....HORRIBLE....DREADFUL....MISTAKE!!!!!

The subsequent films. 2006's Dead Man's Chest and 2007's At World's End were mind numbingly dull, uninspired and convoluted. Monetarily both films garnered high profits but yielded very very low acclaim from critics and fans alike. Which leads us to this latest installment to the Pirates franchise. So does this one stack up to the very fun and cool original? Or does it just join the status quo of lackluster tack ons?

It's better than the last 2 sequels. That's the good news. The bad news is that I didn't care.

Plot


Crossing paths with the enigmatic Angelica. Our beloved Captain Jack Sparrow’s not sure if it’s love or if she’s a ruthless con artist who’s using him to find the fabled Fountain of Youth. When she forces him aboard the “Queen Anne’s Revenge,” the ship of the legendary pirate Blackbeard, Jack finds himself on an unexpected adventure in which he doesn’t know whom to fear more: Blackbeard or Angelica, with whom he shares a mysterious past. 

At the outset, the franchise's brain trust realized the problems with the last 2 films and went back to basics. They made the story simple and formulaic which is exactly what it needed. That's the only fresh approach. Everything else that made the other films so bad is here as well. Uninspired performances, cardboard characters and worse, wasteful characters. There's so much of nothing going on here that it was anger inducing to watch at times. The really sad thing here is this issue could have been solved with some more finessing in the Avid. At 137 minuets, the film isn't as long as it's predecessors but it's too long for this stand alone story. The other sequels were continuing story lines however stupid they were over the course of the trilogy. Here it's a one shot deal with a couple of the main characters crossing over. No need to drag this thing out.

Just get to the fu@#ing point already.

That's my biggest problem with this film. It had the makings of a very tight and fun adventure story until we get bogged down in unnecessary character arcs. I know I might get some heat for this but not even Johnny Depp saves this one. Don't get it twisted, he's good in this installment. Which is the problem. His character is a GREAT one so he needed to be exactly that. Depp's performance almost had a hint of dare I say it.... paycheck acting. Maybe it was the very punch less script but Depp just didn't have the same amount of swashbuckling flare and moxie that he displayed in the previous 3 films. This actually goes for the rest of the cast as well. Penelope Cruz was just ANNOYING! I had enough of her back and forth relationship swings with Jack.

I don't want to write about this anymore. It's time for the Pirates franchise to set sail toward the horizon of NO MORE DAMN MOVIES! Of course we all know that's not happening.

On the 5 star score. Pirates of The Caribbean: On Stranger Tides gets 2.5 stars with a "Netflix It" recommendation.

I'm sure most of you will venture out and see this one and that's always your right. But if you are expecting some great revival of a very tired narrative. Stay home and wait for the little red envelope.

That's a wrap for today. Up next is Bridesmaids.

Until Next Episode...."I'll Save You A Seat!"

"D"