10 Worst Films of 2012

Welcome to a special episode of Lights....Camera....Popcorn!

Today I am going to countdown the 10 Worst Films of 2012.

Here's the breakdown of my year at the movies.

Total number of films seen - 45

Avg score - 3 stars

2012 was an up and down year. Over all there were more good to average films then bad ones. That doesn't mean I don't have 10 bad films to choose from. As is the case in every year since I've done these reviews. There have been quite a few stinkers and 2012 has it's fair share.

So let's begin shall we.

10) Safe House - 5 star score - 1 star. Recommendation - "Save The Loot"

Early on there was nice buzz and intrigue around this film. Decent cast, somewhat fresh plot and of course. Denzel. However what we got was another run of the mill action thriller which involved government agents and corruption. There was absolutely NOTHING new here to inspire any feeling of excitement or enjoyment. The dialogue was sloppy, the action was sloppier and redundant. Just not good enough for a film that has seen far better entries make it's way to the genre.

9) Snow White and The Huntsman - 5 star score - 1 star. Recommendation - "Save The Loot"

Like all the films on this list. SWATH started out with potential but ended up being falling flat to poor writing or story structure. However, this film had a much bigger hurdle to jump. It was part of the new craze in Hollywood. The re-imagination of classic fairy tales. That enough was cause for alarm but the powers that be deemed it wise to go ahead and give us this ridiculous film. There were elements to like from SWATH but nothing close enough to warrant your full attention or appreciation. Just another example of a studio's lack of vision or originality.

8) Red Dawn - 5 star score - .5 stars. Recommendation - "Save The Loot"

Here's a riddle for you. What's worse than a bad film? Remaking the bad film. Red Dawn was a silly film that required no brain power to watch. The one thing it did have going for it was history. When the original was made the country was going through the cold war with Russia. Making the Soviets the enemies who invade the US was not only smart it was practical. That wasn't the case here and while trying to tie in bits and pieces of the original to placate whatever fan base it had, the mixed bag turned into a mess of a movie.

7) Taken 2 - 5 star score - 0 stars. Recommendation - "Save The Loot"

There's nothing I can say about this film other than I deserved what I got from it. The first film was filled with plot holes and impossible scenarios. It also was very entertaining and fresh considering the subject matter and storyline. Naturally everyone tried their luck and gave it another go. BAD IDEA!

6) Jack Reacher - 5 star score - 0 stars. Recommendation - "For The Love of God Stay Home"

As I mentioned in my full review, there was quite an uproar after the announcement of this film hit the public. Largely in part to the fact that Tom Cruise looked nothing like the titular character from the book this train wreck is based on. That boys and girls was the least of your worries. Horrendous plot. Boring characters. Dull action. Uninspiring leading man. Waste of time.

5) Trouble With The Curve - 5 star score - 0 stars. Recommendation - "Save The Loot"

This one played me for a sucker. I bought into the Clint Eastwood baseball drama angle. I would have been better off being drilled in the head by a line drive. Forgettable as any movie can be.

4) The Watch - 5 star score - 0 stars. Recommendation - "For The Love of God Stay Home"

The R rated comedy boom was in full effect when this film was released. That doesn't mean your film has to spend 90 minutes dropping F bombs, surrounded by characters that you would rather run over with your car than laugh at. There was only 1 thing watchable in this film. Jonah Hill. His performance was funny enough to get me through this. Everything else was just pure drivel.

3) Total Recall - 5 star score - 0 stars. Recommendation - "For The Love of God Stay Home"

First off. I'm changing the score and recommendation I gave this film when I first reviewed it. After some reflection I realized I was being way too generous giving this film half a star. It pains me to no end how a remake can screw up so badly when the blueprint to success was staring them in the face. This is another case of defiant writers and directors refusing to accept the fact that their story is not original. So to combat that, they upset the apple cart by tweaking the story to fit their vision thereby upsetting ME!

2) Wrath of The Titans - 5 star score - 0 stars. Recommendation - "For The Love of God Stay Home"

This film screamed at me...."Don't watch me. You're going to be very unhappy!" Being the glutton for punishment that I am. I decided to give it the benefit of the doubt. For the simple reason that they were branching outside of the original film mythos and trying to tell a brand new story. Where was Medusa when I needed her. Her stone gaze could have ended my suffering. My hatred for this film burrows deep into my soul due to my undying love for Greek Mythology and the 1981 Clash of The Titans. The remake gave me shivers and not the good kind. This one has incurred my wrath.

Now time for the main event.

1) Prometheus - 5 star score - 0 stars. Recommendation - "For The Love of God Stay Home"

When it comes to me and movies, I can be pretty emotional on both sides of the coin. There are some who have the opinion that I like everything and can be too generous with my praise or scoring. There is some validity to those claims. I can at times be too positive towards a film that didn't deserve it. On the other hand when I dislike a film, I make sure my disdain comes through every word I type. If I hated a film then stay out of my way.

I HATED THIS FILM! I HATED IT! HATED IT! HATED IT!

Did I mention that I hated it?

Prometheus was supposed to be the most anticipated film of the summer. We were finally returning to the Alien franchise that Ridley Scott introduced us to back in 1979. Then as a bonus, the master was returning to his domain. Ridley was going to wash away the sins of inferior sequels and remind us what it was like to experience the pinnacle of sci fi/horror.

WHAT THE F#&K HAPPENED?

The answer is summed up in 2 words. Damon Lindelof.

For those who have been living under a rock for the past couple of years and don't know who I'm talking about. Lindelof is one of the creators of Lost and has written some DREADFUL summer blockbusters. The script for Prometheus was first written by John Spaiths. Then the suits took a look at it and realized that this guy can't write so what do they do?

They brought in another guy who can't write to polish it. So what ended up happening was two hack writers spent time polishing a turd. The final product became a film that created a divide that I haven't seen in a very long time. You either loved it or loathed it. There was no middle ground.The venom for this film was so toxic that Lindelof ended up becoming the butt of every joke pertaining to the film. He apologized for how mad the film made people and fell on the sword making himself the sacrificial lamb for all the hate mongers.

NOT GOOD ENOUGH!

OK. You have a sense of humor and know how to make fun of yourself. Fantastic. It doesn't excuse the fact that you helped write a very shitty film.

The problems with Prometheus kick off literally at the beginning. We are introduced to a scene filled with stunning visuals and landscapes. What followed was a confusing set of events that ended up following the rest of the film until the end credits. To make matters worse, the film was littered with some of the DUMBEST characters to hit a sci fi film since Spielberg's War of The Worlds. Clearly this is a byproduct of the horrible script that's filled with plot holes big enough to fly the Death Star through. These idiots spent the entire film contradicting themselves. A geologist who's expertise is tracking and mapping his surroundings gets lost in a cave. A biologist who freaks out at the sight of an alien corpse but can't wait to touch and examine a species he's never seen before with his bare hands.

WHAT?

The biggest crime falls on the lead character Elizabeth Shaw. Her stupidity knew no bounds. I've said this once before and coincidentally it's about Speilberg's War of The Worlds. That film was so bad and those characters were so annoying that I rooted for the aliens to destroy them all. I would have preferred a world without them. That's how much anger those characters inspired in me. I felt the exact same way here only it's 1000 fold. These people were so SO STUPID that I just wanted them to expire as fast as humanly possible so I could go home and play Call of Duty.

Hey Charlize Theron! Keep running straight ahead when a space ship is falling directly above you. Don't worry. It won't land on you. Just as long as you keep running right underneath it.

IDIOT!!!!

As expected a sequel is in the works as we speak. Lindelof has already announced that he will not be involved with this next installment. That's music to my ears but it comes with pause. Just because he's not a part of it, doesn't mean his replacement will be any better.

We'll just have to wait and PRAY!

Well that's a wrap for my 10 Worst Films of 2012.

Be on the look out for my 10 Best Films of 2012.

Until Next Episode...."I'll Save You A Seat!"

"D"