G.I. Joe: Retaliation

Welcome to another episode of Lights....Camera....Popcorn!

Today's review is G.I. Joe: Retaliation

Directed by Jon M. Chu.

Written by Rhett Reese & Paul Wernick.

Review #207

MPAA Rating: Rated PG-13 for intense sequences of combat violence and martial arts action throughout, and for brief sensuality and language.

Run Time: 110 min

Cast

Dwayne Johnson...Roadblock

Jonathan Pryce...President

Byung-hun Lee...Storm Shadow

Elodie Yung...Jinx

Ray Stevenson...Firefly

D.J. Cotrona...Flint

Adrianne Palicki...Jaye

Channing Tatum...Duke

Ray Park...Snake Eyes

Luke Bracey...Cobra Commander

Walton Goggins...Warden Nigel James

Arnold Vosloo...Zartan

Joseph Mazzello...Mouse

RZA...Blind Master

Being the massive geek that I am. It fills my heart with excitement when I hear the news that some of my favorite shows/toys/cartoons are being brought to life by Hollywood magic. Then these properties are placed in the hands of complete imbeciles and my favorite childhood memories become repressed. First there was Michael Bay ruining Transformers for me and now Stephen Sommers obliterated any happy memories I had with G.I. Joe thanks to his horrendous 2009 film G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra.

It's utterly amazing how these two men found a way to make me sorry for ever loving these two toons and toys when I was a kid.

Like Hackael Bay before him. Sommers did the unimaginable by screwing up a ready made story and replaced it with the worst possible ideas. If that wasn't enough he cast the film with the wrong actors to play classic roles. Then to put a bow on the whole thing he changed the look and more importantly the origin of some of the most popular characters in the G.I. Joe universe.

Murphy's law was in full effect here and nobody had the good sense to stop this hack from ruining so many people's childhood memories. Fast forward to the present and we now have another G.I. Joe film.

Does this one make the same mistakes Sommers made?

Not quite but this film isn't off the hook.

Plot

The G.I. Joes are not only fighting their mortal enemy Cobra; they are forced to contend with threats from within the government that jeopardize their very existence. 

Right off the bat I'm going to say that this film is WAY better than it's predecessor. The very first scene feels like a G.I Joe film. From the action to the look of the characters (which I'll expand on further later) to the gadgets the Joe's use. This was a promising sign seeing some of the characters that I remembered as a kid be properly represented by better actors and far superior costumes.

So what happened?

The writers, who are a pair of good ones I might add, inexplicably continued the continuity with Sommers' train wreck and tried to piece together a more cohesive plot. It was a valid effort that's worthy of recognition but the fact that I was forced to be reminded of things that took place in the first film in order to move this one along was very disappointing. What was equally confusing was that the film made several attempts to acknowledge the fact that they were trying to leave the first film behind them. It was like the studio said to make a direct sequel but also make us forget the first film never happened.

Impossible.

The film suffers as a result.

It borders mostly on the unnecessary continuation of the back story between Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow. Like many of the core characters in the first film, they were given an origin which was not needed. The animated series never delved into how Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow became ninjas or mortal enemies. The mystery was part of the fun. Of course Sommers didn't believe in fun and treated us to one of the worst back stories of these iconic characters. G.I. Joe Retaliation not just continues it but added to the stupidity. This was compounded by the dreadful casting and performance by The RZA as the blind master. I realize that G.I. Joe does not exist but to cast a rapper with ZERO martial arts experience and place him in the role of a master of Ninjitsu is beyond laughable.

What came next was just as silly. It's a plot spolier so I'll stop here.

Unfortunately there's a bit more of this kind of story issues with the film but it wasn't enough to derail it completely so I'll move on to what was good about it.

First off, the cast was a MAJOR upgrade from the group of clowns in the first film. Dwayne Johnson is Roadblock. He looked the part and played it with a grit and presence that was very reminiscent of his cartoon counterpart. Channing Tatum as Duke was very forgettable in the first film. Of course between then and now he's blown up and showcased an unexpected acting range. His performance here was more than sufficient to earn your forgiveness of G.I Joe The Rise of Cobra. He does a great job bonding with Roadblock which was a nice change of pace from the hardcore action. It was good too see these heroes have lives and real relationships.

That was sorely lacking before because there was a moron behind the camera.

Lady Jaye and Flint were more than serviceable minus an odd and underdeveloped back story between the characters as a couple and on their own. That in a nutshell is what fails this movie. The need to give these characters a reason to care about them. The people making this film should already know that people seeing this film could care less what Lady Jaye's favorite color is or what her favorite food is.

She's in a G.I. Joe movie. That's enough.

I realize the attempt is made to introduce people who've never heard of the property but you have to be honest with the situation. Your core audience are going to be geeks like me who grew up with this cartoon and toys. Any other ticket buyers are just considered house money. Satisfy our need for an honest and faithful interpretation of what we loved way back when and that will be more than enough to make your bank roll flush.

Back to what's good.

The look of each character was spot on with the exception of Storm Shadow. The old costume was still in tact and he was compelled several times to remove his mask and fight/act full face. Other than that the rest of the characters looked the part in a very convincing manner. Highlighted by Snake Eyes and Cobra Commander. Gone was Sommers idiotic idea of giving Snake Eyes lips for his ninja mask.

The guy never speaks you bleeding imbecile.

We also were treated to a real Cobra Commander look. The classic helmet and silver face plate fully in tow. Very cool geek moment.

All told, G.I Joe: Retaliation does enough to make itself it's own film. Unfortunately the inclusion of some of the first films story coupled with some silly character arcs drop this film a few pegs. It's a shame because with a couple of script tweaks this could have been the true G.I Joe film we've always wanted. All I know is that this film was a lot closer than the first film ever got.

And knowing is half the battle....Isn't it?

On the 5 star scale. G.I. Joe: Retaliation gets 2 stars with a "Go See It!" recommendation.

That's a wrap for today. Coming soon in no particular order. The Trance, The Place Beyond The Pines and 42.

Until Next Episode...."I'll Save You A Seat!"

"D"