Total Recall

Welcome to another episode of Lights....Camera....Popcorn!



Today's review is Total Recall.



Directed by Len Wiseman.



Written by Kurt Wimmer & Mark Bomback.



Screen Story by Ronald Shusett, Dan O'Bannon, Jon Povill & Kurt Wimmer

Based on the short story "We Can Remember It For You Wholesale." Written by Philip K. Dick.

Review #168

MPAA Rating: PG-13 for intense sequences of sci-fi violence and action, some sexual content, brief nudity, and language.

Runtime: 118 min


Cast

Colin Farrell ... Douglas Quaid / Hauser

Kate Beckinsale ... Lori Quaid

Jessica Biel ... Melina

Bryan Cranston ... Cohaagen

Bokeem Woodbine ... Harry

Bill Nighy ... Matthias

John Cho ... McClane

Will Yun Lee ... Marek



Back in 1990. Paul Verhoeven and Arnold Schwarzenegger gave us one of sci fi's most popular films. Was it great? Hardly. Was it good? Debatable. Was it fun? HELL YEAH! Total Recall (1990) was so much fun that it earned a cult status that rivals any film of it's kind. The plot was twisty and convoluted. The characters were over the top as well as the violence. It was those factors blended together that made this one such a blast to experience. Fast forward 22 years later. The brain trust over at Columbia and Sony decided with their vast wisdom to remake this movie. A movie that has had something most don't.

Lasting power.

Ask anyone who's seen Total Recall (1990) and I can almost guarantee that they can recite a line or describe a scene that they remembered. Even if it's the martian hooker with the three boobies. That still counts. A movie with that much going for it presents a lot of challenges to the brave souls that try to give it another go at the multiplex.

The bigger challenge was trying to figure out why I dropped my money on this rubbish.



 Plot


A factory worker, Douglas Quaid, begins to suspect that he is a spy after visiting Rekall - a company that provides its clients with implanted fake memories of a life they would like to have led - goes wrong and he finds himself on the run. 

The biggest problem with this movie is that it tries to cater to an audience that most likely never saw the original. That's a huge roadblock with remakes. Let alone remaking a film that a lot of people enjoyed. You have to balance honoring the original source material while trying to create a fresh perspective.

Easier said than done.

That doesn't mean that Wiseman and co deserve a pass. In fact it's the exact opposite. They deserve a beating for screwing this up. I get that you can't do a shot for shot remake. It's important to try and make this film your own. But in the process of giving this movie a new feel you can't strip away the parts that make the original so much fun. That's exactly what was dome here. The idea was to modernize the film. Give it a more gruff look and tone. They certainly did that.

At the expense of everything else. Including the story.

At it's core Total Recall follows the same narrative as the original. There were a few tweaks to give the feel of originality and it was a horrible move. The changes made no sense in a plot that was confusing enough. It was evident from jump that the writers just followed the basic layout of the story and just removed elements that made the original recognizable. 

The biggest crime this film commits is that it could care less about it's characters. Everyone here is so cardboard with next to zero development. Aside from the wacky sci fi stuff the original presented. It also gave us some very memorable and colorful characters that made you feel something. Sharon Stone and Rachel Ticotin were hot as hell in that film and their fight was an epic one. Here Beckinsale and Biel only have the hot factor going for them. In fact Biel who plays Melina isn't mentioned by name until practically the very end of the film.

How in the hell is that possible?

Apparently it's very possible when you don't care about establishing relationships between your main players. Another huge travesty was the handling or lack of handling of Cohaagen. Ronny Cox played the same character in the original was a real dirt bag. He was such a brash holier than thou dictator. You knew was going to get his comeuppance at the end. This Cohaagen could have been some guy that stole a soda at the local bodega. His entrance to the film as the antagonist was one of the lamest I've seen in quite a while. Even lamer was his evil master plan. Just awful. To waste an acting talent like Bryan Cranston is just foul beyond comprehension.

Walter White has more balls than this guy.

The visual effects were nice but just too depressing. It brings you down. The film sucking beyond all recognition doesn't help either. The action was sub par. Very vanilla and uninspiring. There was no attempt to be original or exciting here. The closest thing to a decent action beat was the scene from the trailer when Quaid takes out the cops at the Rekall place. The attempt was there but even then they threw out intelligence. He's attacking police and shooting them. While he's dispatching the dudes around him he's surrounded by some cops from a higher position. What are they doing? In old school kung fu film fashion, they just wait to be killed. No attempt to join in or subdue the man from a better vantage point. Now of course I realize you can't capture this guy. He's supposed to get away. However, if you employ some form of choreography to the scene then it would be much more feasible to see him escape when he appears out numbered and outgunned.

On the 5 star scale. Total Recall gets .5 stars with a "Save The Loot!" recommendation.

There's probably some stuff here for you to like. If you've seen the original then don't waste your time. Just pop that in the DVD player. Otherwise, enter at your own risk. I had a really bad feeling going in that this film was going to bite.

Now if there only was a Rekall place around to make me forget.

That's a wrap for today. Up next is The Bourne Legacy.

Until Next Episode...."I'll Save You A Seat!"

"D"