Chloe

Welcome to another episode of The "D" List.

Today's review is Chloe. Directed by Atom Egoyan. Written by Erin Cressida Wilson
based on the motion picture Nathalie written by Anne Fontaine.

Over the year plus that I have been writing these reviews. Many of you.....my loyal and MOST APPRECIATED fans have asked why I don't review certain films that they are interested in and the answer is simple. I only review films that I go/want to see. If by chance the film I see is one that you are curious about then the stars were aligned on that night. The next round of inquiries came via the request route. Some of you asked me if I would review films that they request. I shot that down right away for fear of being trapped. If I see a bad movie that I chose then I have no one to blame but yours truly but if I'm sent to a bad film by someone else then houston we have a problem.

I have lived by this rule with just 1 exception. I was asked to settle a friendly dispute over the tone and similarity of Chloe with another film and more importantly it's entertainment value. I was told that my critique would be an impartial account and would settle the bet. So I figured "why not" well   after walking out of the theater I came to the conclusion that I will NEVER TAKE REQUESTS AGAIN!!!!!! And to the person that asked me to see this crap fest.....AND YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!!!!!!!! YOU OWE ME $10 BUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!

The plot surrounding this convoluted and absurd mess revolves around Catherine Stewart played by Julianne Moore. She's suspicious of her husband's David played by Liam Neeson infidelity. So what does a girl do if she thinks her man is running game on her? Ask him? Nope. Hire a private detective to follow him? Nope, she hires a prostitute, Chloe played by Amanda Seyfried to seduce him and get final confirmation that he's cheating........WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hold on folks, it gets better. Now normally I wouldn't give this stuff away but I don't want any of you to see this film so I am spilling all the beans. When Catherine meets up with Chloe to discuss what happened during her encounters with David. Catherine becomes sexually excited when the very explicit details of her HUSBAND'S INFIDELITY are revealed. WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh yeah, Catherine's excitement is geared toward Chloe, not David. So in a nutshell. A suspicious wife hires a whore to sleep with her suspected cheating husband which then produces sexual feelings toward the person you hired to help confirm your failing marriage. WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wait......There's more. The film has a twist. Catherine now convinced David is cheating begins to resent him so she sleeps with Chloe who then becomes infatuated with Catherine and won't leave her alone so she sets up a surprise meeting with her and David so everyone can be confronted with everyone else. Chloe arrives at the meeting when cue dramatic music....David has no idea who Chloe is. Everything Chloe said she did with David was all a lie. She never met him, never slept with him. She said all that stuff to drive Catherine away from David so she could have her all to herself. WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Read it and weep people. This was about as awful a story that I have seen in a while. Having said that though I actually thought the twist was pretty clever. The problem is that all the events that led up to it were SO ABSURD that the M. Night Shyamalan moment loses all of it's power when you get to it. The bottom line is that misdirection is movies are cool.....AS LONG AS THEY ARE CRAFTED SENSIBLY!!!!!!!!!!!!! You can't have these people running around doing and thinking all these crazy things then pull the rug out from under them just to change the pace of the ridiculous story.

On the 5 star scale. Chloe gets a big Goose Egg 0. With a split "Save The Loot/For The Love of God Stay Home" Recommendation.

There you have it my friends. My 1st and LAST film request. And to Mr./Mrs. X, I expect to see a nice crisp 10 spot in my hands the next time we see each other.

That's all for today. Up next is Kick Ass.

Until Next Episode.....I'll Save You A Seat!

"D"